Chances are that you know your main love language and can easily inform other persons what your love language is while also offering explanations and examples. But it is not always about you. As important as it is to know your love language, wouldn’t you agree that it is just as important to know and understand your partner’s main love language? How will you be able to meet the expectations of your partner’s needs in the relationship if you do not understand his or her main love language?
The Importance of Knowing Your Partners Love Language
Now imagine not knowing your partner’s main love language and showing your love in a way that does not connect with your partner? This results in unmet needs in the relationship, feelings of inadequacy on both sides and a decline in the relationship. Unfortunately, many separations and divorces occurred because couples did not understand each other enough to give and receive love in the correct way. But just in case you need a reminder or just unaware of the five love languages, let us discuss what they are.
The Five Love Languages Explained
The Five Love Languages as listed by Gary Chapman (https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a28084004/five-love-languages-summary/) are:
- Words of Affirmation- Verbal expressions of care and affection (e.g. saying I love you or I appreciate you or thank you for doing the dishes)
- Quality Time- this constitutes spending time together doing activities that both persons enjoy together (e.g. move night, exercising together or games)
- Physical Touch- Physical expressions of love, whether sexual or nonsexual (e.g. holding of hands, hugs, sexual intercourse)
- Acts of Service- Doing something helpful or kind for your partner (e.g. doing chores or tasks for each other)
- Receiving Gifts- Tangible and intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed (e.g. giving chocolates, gift cards, perfumes, etc.)
Make It an Activity
There are several love language tests online that are free and paid for that can help you to know your love language and that of your partner. These tests can be used at any stage in your relationship which means that whether you are just getting to know other or already settled as a couple, you can both do the test as a fun activity. This means that you will each do the test and share the results with each other. Depending on your preference, you can opt to do this as a face-to-face activity or just virtual. But whichever method you choose try to make a fun activity with the aim of discovering more about each other so that we can show your love in a way that will be appreciated and understood. In the end, both yourself and your partner should have a deeper understanding of the things that make you feel the most loved and appreciated.
Books to Read
The following books by Gary Chapman are also useful if you need to explore the Five Love Languages more, they are available on Amazon, easy to read with practical examples:
- The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
- The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great
- The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships
And similar to how aspects of our personalities change over time as a result of age, maturity, education, socialization, etc., it is my belief that our main Love Language can also change with time. Therefore, a final tip is to show your love and appreciation to match the stage that your partner is at in life. Secondly, do not ignore the other Love Languages on which your partner did not have a high score. Love your partner in every way but more attention to his or her main Love Language.
Question For You
Have you been showing your love and appreciation for your partner in a way that he or she understands and appreciates?
© 2022, Stacy-Ann Campbell. All rights reserved.
2 thoughts on “Do You Know Your Partner’s Main Love Language?”
I’ve never actually read any of Gary Chapman’s books, but I like the love language concept, and it seems like a very helpful thing to recognize that a partner’s main love language might be different from one’s own.
Thanks. His books are short, interesting and useful for relationships.